I made a bridge

I’m on a brick bridge that took years for me to make,
It reigns a river, with muck-colored waters
With current so strong, ferocious and scary,
My feet goes numb, almost immobile
Still I pace, with every step unsure
Trying to remember what went wrong.
The bridge I worked so hard for
Doesn’t feel safe to walk on at all
It’s just like skating over thin ice,
I picture its bricks slowly in nose dive
Each piece engulfed by the water’s jaws
Forever gone
Eternally beneath
Never will be found
I am a brick

Clock

“Can you talk?”, I asked the clock.
“Tik tok tik tok”
“Talk to me!”, I pleaded.
“Tik tok tik tok”

He sat by the corner.
I looked at him.
“Tik tok tik tok”
I felt defeated.

I left for work,
And went back home,
Dead tired,
dead sad.

I slept with a heavy heart,
And woke up with the same weight.
I reached out to him,
Hoping for something else..

But there it goes again…
“Tik tok tik tok”

Kwento ni Marya #2: Erkon

Nakakalungkot ngayong araw kaya gusto ko magkwento ng masaya. Naisip ko ‘tong isang kwento na to na bentang benta sa mga ka-officemates ko tuwing kinukwento ko sakanila. Sana matuwa din kayo.

Higit pitong taon na akong nakatira sa Maynila at ilang beses na ding lumipat ng matitirhan. Simula Makati na napunta sa Taguig, na napunta sa Pasay. Naalala ko pa yung inupahan naming studio type sa Taguig. Sobrang liit. Hindi ako magaling sa measurements kaya di ako makakapabigay ng estimate na sukat, pero mga dalawa’t kalahating dipa ko yung width tapos mga apat o limang dipa ko yung length. Kasama na dun ung CR ah!

Sa limang libong renta sa isang buwan, at lapìt sa mga trabahon namin, okay na din. Ang mahirap nga lang doon, nasa fourth floor sya at sobrang init lalo na sa tanghali. Kasama ko sa apartment na yun ung pinsan ko at pareho kaming panggabi ang trabaho.

Nung una sinubukan namin tiisin yung init. Pero nung inalok kami ng landlord namin ng deal na pwedeng kami muna bumili ng aircon at bibilhin din nila samin ung aircon sa pamamagitan ng pagkaltas nun sa monthly rent namin, pumayag na kami!

Pumunta kami sa mall at bumili na nga ng aircon. Sabi ng sales lady sa amin ng pinsan ko, pwede daw namin ipa deliver pero hindi same-day delivery at pwede din naman na dalhin na namin. Sa sobrang excited namin ng malamig na room, kami na nag uwi. Isinakay lang namin sa taxi.

Pagdating namin sa apartment, tsaka lang namin napagtanto na nasa fourth floor and unit namin at napakaliit ng hagdan paakyat. We were up for the task! Nakalimutan ko na kung ilang kilo yung aircon na yun pero ‘yon na ata ang pinakamabigat na nabuhat ko ever! Sobrang tagal bago namin naiakyat sa fourth floor yun.

Tuwang tuwa ako nung nakarating kami sa unit namin. Ang problema, yung aircon slot, nasa taas na parte ng wall! Buti nalang, may double deck kami!

Umakyat ako sa double deck habang yung pinsan ko naman, sya yung nag buhat galing sa baba at iniabot nya sakin. Sobrang hirap!!!

  1. Sobrang bigat nung aircon
  2. Nahirapan ako i-shoot sa slot yung mismong aircon.

Dahil nga mahirap ipasok sya sa slot, tinatry ko silipin ung butas at isakto yung aircon papasok. Halfway nang nakapasok ung aircon kaya sabi ko sa pinsan ko na nakaalalay parin sa baba i-tulak na nya pataas para tuluyan na namin maipasok. naexcite ata masyado, sobrang bilis ng pangyayari, naipit tuloy yung ulo ko between sa aircon at sa kisame.

“Aray! Aray! Aray!”, iyan nalang nasabi ko pero mga 10 seconds pa ata bago nya ako narinig. Tsaka nya lang binaba ng konti ung aircon para maialis ko yung ulo ko sa pagkakaipit. Ang HABA ng 10 seconds na yun.

Naipasok naman namin yung aircon successfully, at naging malamig na ang kwarto namin. Happy ending. 🙂

Kwento ni Marya #1: Epbi

Bente syete na ako. Late 20’s na ika nga. Kakatapos lang ng kaarawan ko. Gemini baby. Kilala daw kami sa pagkakaroon ng split personality, di ko alam kung positive o negative ba ang pagkakaroon ‘nun. Adaptable, daw kami. Pero diba, nakakapagod kapag ikaw ang laging nag aadapt? Mahilig ako magbasa ng mga bagay-bagay tungkol sa mga tao base sa zodiac sign nila, pero hindi sa horoscope ah. Pasintabi nalang sa mga nanalig sa gabay ng tadhana at masugid na tagaabang ng hula nila sa dyaryo o radyo araw araw.

Yung iba, sa Facebook yata nagbabasa ng horoscope. Minsan pati mga balita doon na din nanggagaling. Napaka-useful pala ng Facebook! Isipin mo, dati, para malaman mo kung kamusta na ‘yung highschool batch mate mo, kailangan mo syang tawagan o i-text para mangamusta, pero ngayon, silip ka lang sa Facebook profile nya, at viola! Malalaman mo nang nanggaling sya kahapon sa Starbucks at nainis sa barista na nagkamali ng spelling sa pagsulat ng pangalan nya sa disposable cup nya.

Dati kapag may binyagan, kasalan, o anu mang okasyong parating, kailangan mong puntahan isa-isa o ipadala ung invitation sa mga iimbitahan mo. Ngayon, pwede ka nang mag edit ng invitation sa Photoshop o Canva, i-post ‘yun sa Facebook at i-tag nalang yung mga imbitadong kaibigan mo. Nakatipid ka na sa printing, hindi ka pa napagod magpadala ng mga invitations.

Dati kapag malungkot o nagagalit ka, una mong maiisip ay tawagan ang bespren mo para maglabas ng sama ng loob. Ngayon pwede mo nang ipost. Minsan ginagawa mong parinig, minsan naman direkta na sa kaaway mo, naka-tag pa asya. O ‘diba may online diary ka na. Idagdag mo pa ang auto comment ng mga chismosa friends mo.

Dati, nakalagay sa phone calendar yung birthday ng mahahalagang tao sa buhay natin. Ngayon, easy! May Facebook reminders na para di natin makalimutan. Napakaconvenient, hindi ba?

Minsan sa sobrang convenient, baka nakakalimutan natin ung mga basic. Masarap din magkita para magkita. Huwag naman magkikita nalang para may mai-post.

Cup

I think I’m broken.
You saw me as a precious teacup at the back of a china cabinet,
At first I couldn’t fathom how,
Did I fall from the counter top?
Did someone forget to clothe me in a bubble wrap?
Or did you drop me intentionally?
Now I can finally see,
I see your guiltless eyes.
You scare me
It was great looking at you through the glass,
I wondered how your hands would feel
I should’ve not gone out of my way to try and get you to look at me
Because you did
It went downhill from there
I regret the excitement I felt the moment you picked me up
At first you held me carefully
Like a new shiny toy
I suppose that’s all I was to you
Now I’m nothing but a useless broken cup
At the back of a china cabinet,
Unfixable, I’m afraid
I’ll try to look for a glue

Chair

Everytime I’m sitting at the dining table as a little kid,
I liked to push my feet against the table, make my chair tilt
With its back and forth motion, it stands on its two feet behind
My niece wanted to try too, but her Mom said no, making her whine
This didn’t make any difference, and it made things worse
Her Mom didn’t like it so she was punished to do lousy chores
My chair was so strong, i never fell even if I pushed too hard,
It made me feel dauntless, and strong and fierce as a cat

Some years later, here I am, on a tilted chair with no arm rests
This time, I didn’t push myself into this, it’s kind of a mess
There’s nothing to hold on to, and the back and forth’s no longer fun
This time, it’s my mind that’s relentlessly whining, not my niece
It’s getting really loud, I can’t do chores even if I please
My chair has become so wobbly, and heart heavy, the road ahead–somber
It made me uneasy, and careful and timid as a beaver

Reunions

I hear that lately, you’ve been trying to stay away from any kind of reunions
With old friends or family members you haven’t seen for a year or perhaps, four.
I’m sure you yearn for them, your once favorite people
I know you’ve been yearning for long.
However, right there, I see, in your eyes,
I see it, fear. With a hint of sadness.

I see the fear, the fear of being speared with unsolicited comments and advice
About how you lost or gained weight or to stop eating rice!
Oh! And that you’d run into Sheila who’d instantly give you tips
On how to work out for smaller legs, less flabby arms and fuller hips.
Or that they’d once again say, “Hey, look at these pictures from high school!”
“You looked so skinny here!” with emphasis on the word looked.

And hey, you also can’t deny the sadness
About how you couldn’t spend time with them,
And instead share how you’ve been working so hard on your goals,
Ask about the cute little puppy in their recent posts,
Wonder how the world has changed so much,
And tell them how you’ve missed them so much

Your absence could be seen as onion-skinned or immature.
But I believe that you should never forget to consider,
That for many years, you’ve been trying to gain,
Just enough confidence, but it easily wanes
Just like using your hands to scoop water from a stream
Self-certainty that’s still in fragments makes a weak shield.

Now answer when I ask, “The desire to be with, is it worth more than this?”
I might just need to copy your answer, please.

Tuesday

Tuesday is intimidating.
She makes me anxious, unconfident
She makes me feel so small and talentless.
And she’s not even aware nor at fault for how I feel!
She lives next door so it’s impossible not to see her everyday
She looks at me, almost like she can see right through all my insecurities. I dont like that.

I want to like Tuesday because I cant hide from her forever.
How can I like someone I’m so scared of?
Her cold black eyes and her curt “Hello” makes me want to run back home and never come right back out.
Her high heels clicking on the sidewalk  makes me question my decisions in life
Should I call in sick today so I don’t have to run into her?
Or should I just quit my job?
Maybe I should move to another city instead? Or another country perhaps?

Funny thing is, I really really want to love Tuesday.
All my friends say, she’s just like anybody else.
“Don’t mind her!”, Maureen would always say.
I wish it was easy. I wish it was.

Fireflies

I’m getting dizzy trying to follow the fireflies.


I can barely see the oldest ones–the ones I want to hold on to, for life


Their lights are flickering feebly now, almost gone


It’s hard and even painful to watch, knowing those lights were once so so bright


There are those that are still at their prettiest twinkle


Shame, all I see are the ones I’m losing, I often forget to greet them hi

Oddballs

I guess, I’ve mastered all your signs.
A half smile means it’s fine.
I can walk towards you with ease and calm
You’d offer me an almost hug, I am welcome

A forced, wide grin; you’re in pain,
Uneasy gestures, there’s laughter but feign
I’m always a little unsure on this so, I simply stand by
And wait with shoulders ready, ’til you can fin’lly cry

Unanswered calls means I’m not needed yet
I shouldn’t insist, impose, ask twice, or beg
So I sit by my couch, with a book in my hand,
Surely, soon, you’ll be at my door holding a croissant

We’re an odd kinship, you and I
Unpredictable, sad, funny, then shy
But we always pick the pieces where we left off
And our signs match, oftentimes